Casting my burdens

Yesterday was a rough day at the office. I left th ebuilding stunned by colleagues who I thought I could trust, yet all along they had some pretty destructive designs – didn’t see it coming.

Yet, today I woke up – still perplexed and vexed but I found encouragement in the 55th Psalm where the psalmist talks about how some of the people he knew had words softer than butter, yet in their hearts they were planning war. The psalmist also talks about how those that he deemed to be close to him, were in fact plotting against him. Deception by those we trust – how does one deal with that?

I think this level of deceptionis also a very real fact in the gay community as well where it is rare to find genuine friends and companions, were friendships tend to be weak and what people promise is different from what they actually believe. How does one find trust and when it is broken, how does one deal with that – without denying the hurt caused?

I would also venture to add that even more than being hurt and harmed by close companions, the most difficult form of deception and betrayal is however, to ourselves. Sure, it hurts terribly when colleagues that I trusted are plotting against me. But, how does one deal with the enemy within? I think that this is an even bigger threat. I have been guilty of much worse crimes than what my colleagues have committed against me. I have hidden my true self, my real thoughts, my real beliefs, my identity, just so as to fit in. I’ve deceived myself while sabotaging myself at the same time.

But then, I love what the psalmist goes on to give as a remedy. He says to ‘cast your burdens on the Lord and he will sustain you.’ The advice there is not to deny our hurts, or to condemn ourselves, place labels on ourselves but simply to let it out. Admit that we feel the unfairness and hurt of it all. To run to a place of prayer before all else and to become vulnerable at the feet of a comassionate father. He is saying, to my mind, that it is best to be forthright about what has been weighing on our minds, to pray honestly and that when we do so, there is a promise that the Lord will pull us through. The psalmist lays out all of his anguish, he complains, he weeps, he does not pretend to be okay with an unjust situation but he gives a very human expression of his anguish. And he does so in the confidence that God’s grace will be forthcoming. I think I will do some burden casting today – let it all out! arggghhh!

I will love thee, O LORD my strength

From Psalm 18 (King James Version)

I will love thee, O LORD, my strength.

²The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower.

³I will call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised: so shall I be saved from mine enemies.

⁴The sorrows of death compassed me, and the floods of ungodly men made me afraid.

⁵The sorrows of hell compassed me about: the snares of death prevented me.

⁶In my distress I called upon the LORD, and cried unto my God: he heard my voice out of his temple, and my cry came before him, even into his ears.

gays that pray? exploring the accessibility of prayer as a resource for homosexual believers

“Watch ye therefore, and pray always, that ye may be accounted worthy to escape all these things that shall come to pass, and to stand before the Son of man.”

Luke 21 v 36

These are an encouraging set of words  that I think are very relevant for all, and hopefully moreso for believers who are amarginalised or actively excluded from religion.

It is easy to begin to assume that we are disqualified from communicating with God, thanks in large part to gospels of hate that have developed progressively through the decades.

However,  the invitation of Christ himself is to be watchful and prayerful, and it appears to be meted out without any discrimination or hatred.

We can still pray. Tere is no need for approval. After all, it happens in the secret recesses of our hearts and inner beings.

The assumption is that we are not interested in prayer and this tends to be a self-fulfilling projection. We become excluded from spiritual life and activity. Yet, the invitation is an open one. There are no exceptions, cautionary clauses or footnotes. It is a simple, bold invitation to all to pray. This shines through at several points in the teachings of Christ.

There is no contradiction in being a gay that prays, in fact, there is arguably very little that is more empowering that this knowledge that we are invited to pray.  I’m keen on  becoming more confident and decisive in taking up christ n his invitation to all to pray.