It is already the second week of advent and I am hoping to use the time that remains of the season to blog a bit about reconciling sexuality to spirituality. A small word of caution: much of what I will write, as was the case earlier in the year during Lent, is probably going to be rambling and self involved . But, the hope is that these reflections may be of use to someone else. There have been a few site visits to this blog (thank you) ,so the hope is that some of what is on this blog is being received – and hopefully is of use.

The season of Advent brings to the fore a very powerful claim about the nature of the world around us. There is the assertion that Christ, God himself incarnated, came to earth. I think this is such a laden message with so many implications.

At the least, it presents the visible world that we live in as one alongside at least one other dimension of time and of space. Implied in the idea of Christ coming to earth is the existence of an hidden ‘other world’ that is real and that interacts with the seen as it wills.

This idea of a hidden world – concealed from the senses – is one that has fascinated human beings for centuries and across several cultures. And the general consensus among many religions is that yes, our senses are only a part of a more complex network of hidden realms. And it is from this hidden world that Christ materialises.

It sounds quite banal yet, if one stops to consider the full implications of this – it could get interesting. Especially so as a gay man:

Firstly, the unseen/hidden worlds in Christianity are understood in to be shaped by sharp moral boundaries of good/evil, darkness vs. light. And, the task of each individual is to identify their alliance with one of these sides, and to commit to belonging to either ‘side’.

Yet, at the same time, there are some teachers in Christianity that argue that at times there is no choice. Some classes of people are automatically rejected from the good side – or ‘heaven’, the kingdom’, the ‘kingdom of heaven’. There are lists of outcasts that are judged to not meet minimal entrance requirements. Men who have sex with other men are often part of these lists of outcasts of heaven who are doomed for destruction as part of those who have chosen to align with the dark.

I struggle with this reading of the opportunities that exist in the spirit realm for queer men and women. And this struggle stems from my earnest desire and intention to commit toward the light rather than the opposite. I do believe and choose to believe that yes, there is an unseen realm – despite the weirdness of this in an era of science and empiricism. So, how am I to respond to those who would say that there is no chance, no hope for me to find God as someone who not only fully acknowledges my sexual identity but enacts my sexuality through gay sex?

Does the assertion that being gay is equal to evil and eternal damnation have any merits? Is it correct? Do I get excluded from participating in the celebration of light? Do I get automatically excluded from partaking in the joy of Christ coming into the world because I am an unworthy agent for the other team? Does my identity and my sexual identity and practice exclude me from partaking in God and in the parts of the unseen that are good, filled with light and beauty? Am I also a child of God, accepted as I am? Even if I prefer men and sleep with the one man that I love? (or even if the case was that I do sleep with more than one man – does this exclude me from The Light?)

Put crudely, does my participation in gay sex exclude me from ‘heaven’ (whatever this term actually means), from fellowhip with God and the hidden realms of light and goodness?

In the teachings of Christ, I find a teaching that suggests that fellowship with God derives from other sources beyond our sexual orientation and practice. The teachings of Christ seem to be inclusive and concerned with encouraging those who would follow Jesus to focus on their interactions with the weak and marginalised elements of society. This seems to be the criteria by which we all face judgement and access to a Kingdom of light, the Kingdom of Heaven. How we relate to the hungry, the thirsty – basically those in need seems to matter most of all in determining the destiny of our souls.

I also observe in Christ that those who would partake in ‘the Kingdom’ would need to love God, love their neighbours – and be obedient to God’s will.

If I love, if I attend to the needs of the marginalised – surely, this means that even I, as a gay man, have hope of sharing in the joy of a Kingdom of God, and of celebrating Christ’s coming as an event where ‘heaven’ meets our tangible world.

But, ah,there is the question of obedience. By being gay, am I being disobedient and placing myself out of the reach of God’s kingdom and light? And do I need then to stop practicing my homosexuality – having gay sex – to put it crudely?

Discerning God’s will is not an easy task. It is not as simple as just taking out-of-the-context bible verses on homosexuality. Neither does it boil down to the intelligent guesses of either religious leaders or even the conclusions of gay people like myself with an obvious conflict of interest. I would love to say that there is nothing to forbid me from being a practising homosexual. But, I am not sure that there are convincing arguments on what the will of God is for gays. So, I guess the next step in reflecting upon this is to explore what it means to be a gay man who is obedient to God’s will, who can fully enjoy and celebrate the joys of a Christ who has come to earth.

I will reflect on this tomorrow.

A